3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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