they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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