I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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