You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
