Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
