I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
