is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
send nudes
from the living room?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
