Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
