I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
