is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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