having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
