I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize