So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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