I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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