Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
