beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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