I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
