How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
