His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I only lived at night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
