u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
