Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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