I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I deserve this hangover.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
