I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
