There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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