Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
