I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
