This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont even know how to be here
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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