So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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