I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
vagina is talking i cant
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
