Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize