honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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