I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
