if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
