batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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