U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
