We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
