think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
