I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
