Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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