Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
