summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
