Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize