She's JV to your varsity
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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