Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(956): View more from Texas

im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no

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(239): View more from Florida

allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.

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(905): View more from Ontario

downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response

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