vagina is talking i cant
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
