we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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