after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
