at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
