Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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