Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
