Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
