So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize