i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
