your parents love me but you hate me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
