Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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