Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
