I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
