is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
