i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Help. Why am I so naked?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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