google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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