I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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