Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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