yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
