hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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