I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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