The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize