I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
