the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
