i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
