I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
